


Finding Home

by Risingwood



Category: Gone Home
Genre: F/F, Friends to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-08
Updated: 2016-05-08
Packaged: 2018-06-07 02:17:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6781369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Risingwood/pseuds/Risingwood
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam and Lonnie's relationship, told in five stages.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Finding Home

**Author's Note:**

> This story focuses deeply on the relationship between Sam and Lonnie, how their friendship blossoms into a romance. Each section is a different stage of their relationship. It's written in a style reminiscent of the journal entries in the game.

**I**

There’s nothing worse than when the whole class stares at you and calls you “Psycho House Girl.”Nothing.I suppose that’s what I get for transferring to a new school, a third of the way into the year.And I suppose it’s also my fault that the teacher mispronounced my last name when she had me stand in front of the class.

Some things can’t be helped, such as those.I tried to ignore the comments as much as I could, tried to ignore the weird questions that other students asked me loudly from way across the room.The many years of ignoring Bible verses being yelled at me in church, had finally paid off.

As that class neared its end, I wanted to be the first one out of the room, to escape the expected harassment of my new peers.Getting out of the room before others proved to be more challenging than I thought, as every student was itching to leave their seats as soon as the bell rang.I ended up being one of the last to leave.

In the hallway, I felt suddenly very self conscious.Everyone knew that I had transferred today, or at least, it _felt_ like everyone knew.I turned the corner, hoping that the direction I was going was the right one, when I spotted something vibrant red out of the corner of my eye.Slowing down, I got a good look at what it was, and almost stopped in my tracks.

You know that feeling where the first moment you see someone, it’s like they have a big gold star around them, and you _have_ to get to know them?That was me, at that moment.Her red hair fell around her shoulders in loose, wavy curls.It was elegant, but at the same time, it felt… intense, like her clothes, which looked like they came straight out of a punk magazine.I wanted to talk to her.My gut told me to.Instead, I kept walking, hoping that maybe I would see her again later.

Somebody up there in the sky must love me, because that girl was in my last class of the day.She came in right as the late-bell rang, and silently slipped into her chair, three rows in front of me.I didn’t talk to her, but I will admit, I did watch her a little.She drew a lot during class, in an unlined notebook she kept hidden underneath her paper assignments.As much as I wanted to know what she was drawing, I couldn’t see it.

The days went by, and I tried my best to get the courage to talk to her.I rehearsed conversation after conversation in my head, of what we could possibly talk about.We had that one class in common, but that seemed to be it.I found out her name was Lonnie, when a friend of hers in class had me pass a note up the row to her.I wondered what could be inside the letter, but didn’t dare read it.When she read it, she turned around and smirked at her friend.I darted my eyes down at my textbook so she wouldn’t think I was looking at her.

About a week later, I saw her outside of school for the first time.I walked into the local 7-11 with my mom’s grocery list, and there she was, standing at the Street Fighter machine with some friends.They seemed to be really into the game, almost shouting as they played against each other.I hadn’t wanted to pick up the groceries earlier, but the next day, I volunteered to do it again, hoping Lonnie would be there.And, she was.Every day.And each night before bed, I silently prayed for the strength to talk to Lonnie.We had something other than a class in common now; Street Fighter.

I finally decided to just get it over with, and so I walked right up to her a few days later, and challenged her to a game.She smiled and raised her eyebrows, glancing at her friends.

“Why not?” she asked, shrugging her shoulders.“As long at you’re paying.”

My original plan to beat her at a game and show off my video game skills, failed.It turns out, when you play Street Fighter every day, you get good at it.And I mean _really_ good at it.I didn’t last three minutes against her.

After I was finished getting my butt kicked, I followed Lonnie and her friends outside while they smoked.That’s when she asked me if I was “that psycho house girl.”A nervous feeling crept through me, and I almost turned around and walked away.But then, she said that she’d always wanted to see the Psycho House.I didn’t know what to feel.My mouth was moving before I could think about I wanted to say.She laughed, and said she’d love to come over tomorrow.

I couldn’t concentrate at school the next day, knowing that Lonnie was coming over after classes.I hoped mom and dad wouldn’t be home.They wouldn’t like Lonnie.She didn’t “look wholesome,” something that they’d told me about a different friend of mine when I was younger.Her red hair was clearly dyed, and her clothing choices were not the kind my parents would approve of.

We met after school, and greeted each other before getting in my car.The whole ride to my house, Lonnie flipped through the stations, trying to find a station she liked.After complaining that the presets were all classical music, and that nothing good was on, she sat back in her seat.My cheeks reddened, and I said that the presets came with the car; that I hadn’t set them that way.It was a dumb lie, and I knew she didn’t believe me from the way she smiled.

As we walked up the steps to my house, I let out a breath I hadn’t known I was holding, when I found the front door to be locked.Mom and dad were out, which meant they didn’t have to meet Lonnie.That put me at ease.

It’s weird hanging out with a girl.I’d only hung out with Daniel before, really.But being around Lonnie was instantly just _right._ I gave her the grand Psycho House tour, and took my revenge on Super Nintendo.It was like I finally found someone I felt normal around.Before we knew it, hours had passed.We still had school the next day, and I offered to give her a ride home.She accepted.As I drove her home, it was silent, save for the static of the car radio.When we’d stopped in front of her house, she reached inter her bag and pulled out a cassette tape.

“You have _got_ to listen to this,” she said, placing the tape into my hand.Her fingers were warm, a stark contrast against my cold ones.I nodded, and watched her go into her house.

I played the cassette as soon as I got home.And for a week straight, I didn’t play anything else.

 

 

**II**

Lonnie brought hair dye to my house one time.I didn’t know about it until we were up in my room, safe from mom and dad’s prying questions about her.

“Lonnie, if my parents see that, we’ll get in trouble.”

“Relax, they’re not going to see it.I need to fix these roots,” she said, pointing to the top of her head.“Think you could help me with it?It’s pretty easy, and it won’t take long.”

I bit my lip, but agreed.It’s not like I had a choice.

Once in the bathroom, Lonnie sat on the toilet lid and uncapped the bottle.She explained the process, and what I had to do with it.It didn’t sound so hard.I got two plastic gloves from the medicine cabinet, and squirted the dye into my palm.It was cold, despite the bottle being room temperature.

“Just massage it onto the roots, and we’re all set.,” Lonnie said with a smile in her voice.I smiled as well, albeit nervous about messing it up.

“This… feels weird,” I commented as I rubbed the dye into her hair.It felt oddly intimate, touching her scalp.I’ve never touched someone else’s scalp before.The dye was brighter red than the rest of the hair, and it made the hair look weird.Had I messed up?Would Lonnie hate me if I had?

She looked in the mirror above the sink when I was finished, and I stood behind her.I was just tall enough to see over her head.Watching her expression, my face reddened.She stepped to the side, so that both of our faces were reflected on the glass.We made eye contact.

“You’re so beautiful.”

My heart skipped a beat, and my brain scrambled as I tried to think of something to say.What is the proper response to a statement like that?I had no idea.Something in my gut told me to to say that she was beautiful, too, but before I could, the moment was gone.

A week later, Lonnie asked me to see a band with her, and stay over at her friend’s place in the city after.I’d never heard of the band before, but of course I told Lonnie I’d love to go with her.Lying to mom and dad about what I was doing, was hard.I had to come up with a whole story for what was happening, that my new friend Lonnie was going through a tough time with her family, and asked if I could stay over to give her moral support.When asked about what this supposed “tough time” was, I lied more and said it was a death in the family.It felt shameful to tell them something like that, but there was no other way they would let me stay over at someone’s house.

And it was totally worth it.The show was incredible; the girls on stage were just so loud and real and awesome, and everybody was moving together like one huge tide of sound.I’d never felt more _alive._ I wanted to stay in that moment forever, just me and Lonnie, jumping and laughing together and just… _living._

After one particularly energetic song, Lonnie leaned in close to me.I pretended that my heart wasn’t racing faster than before, and leaned in to hear what she had to say.

“So?How do you like your first show?”

Words failed me.I couldn’t think of the proper words to explain how I was feeling at the time, and so, my eyes teared up instead.It didn’t sting like sad-tears did.These were happy-tears.I’m sure Lonnie could tell, from the way her face lit up more from it as she reached out and pulled me into an embrace.

I lied earlier.The music wasn’t what made me feel alive.It was being with Lonnie in a new place, that made me feel that way.

After the concert, we headed to Lonnie’s friend’s house.It was small, and when we got inside, we found a note on the kitchen table that said to make ourselves at home, and that they’d be back in the morning.Whoever the friend was, they were not there, which meant we were by ourselves.It made me feel nervous, as I didn’t like being alone in unfamiliar places like that.Especially since the door had been unlocked.Lonnie however, seemed to be happy about the situation.

“This means we get the whole house to ourselves!”She’d exclaimed, grabbing my hand to pull me along with her.Her warm fingers felt nice against my own, and I felt the worry leave my body as our fingers clasped together.

We found a futon laid out in the living room, and figured that was where we were supposed to sleep.I checked my watch for the time, letting go of Lonnie hand to put my bag on the floor next to the futon.

“It’s after midnight, we should go to bed, don’t you think?”

“What?”She shot me an incredulous look.“It’s still so early.”

“I mean… not really.”I couldn’t meet Lonnie’s eyes.I yawned against my will, and Lonnie’s face softened.

“Are you really that tired?”

I nodded.Fiddling with the blankets on the futon, I pushed them back.Truth be told, I didn’t really want to go sleep.But the thought of being alone with Lonnie in foreign house, was weird to me.And, well, the concert had been a bit exhausting.I quietly got under the covers, and looked up at Lonnie.Her bright hair was highlighted by the light behind her, and from my angle, it make her appear… angelic.The glow around her looked like a halo, and I thought back to the paintings of angels that my parents had made us go see in museums.I almost wanted to voice my thoughts, but decided against it.

Lonnie shrugged and turned to flip the light switch.The room went dark, and I closed my eyes so they would adjust faster.I heard Lonnie bend down, and felt the covers being lifted.She slid into the small bed, and I felt her body heat practically right next to mine.After a minute or so, I opened my eyes again.I could just make out her face in the dark, a few inches in front of mine.She blinked and smiled.

We watched each other, breathing quietly in the darkness.She moved her arm to rest around me, and I felt my heart rate go up.I’d never been this close to her before.It felt right.

“I really like you, Sam,”She whispered.“I like you a lot.”

What are you even supposed to say when someone says that to you?My brain was blurry, grasping for words that I could possibly say in response.Instead, I just nodded my head.I hoped she could tell what I meant, with her Lonnie-ESP she seemed to have whenever I felt at a loss for words.

Neither of us said another word after that.We shut our eyes and fell asleep, Lonnie’s arm still around me.

 

 

**III**

Lonnie came over again, a few days later.But everything was different.She was sitting at my desk chair, but she wouldn’t look at me.My mind spun.Was it something I’d said earlier?Had I done something wrong?Was she mad at me?I couldn’t take it anymore, finally, and asked outright what was wrong.

She seemed surprised, and er eyes widened slightly.

“I just…” She looked out the window for a few seconds, before looking back at me for the first time.“I’m sorry about the other night, when we were at my friend’s house.”

“Sorry about what?”I expected her to tell me that she didn’t mean what she’d said that night, and I prepared myself for the hurt I’d feel from it.

“I shouldn’t have said that to you.It made you uncomfortable, and I should have just kept that inside me.I was dumb for thinking you might feel the same.”

Silence, again.I thought about her words carefully.“So you _do_ feel that way about me?”I asked cautiously.

She nodded.It was very out of character for her.I’d never seen Lonnie like this; insecure and guilty.

“Lonnie…” I began, patting the space next to me on my bed.She hesitated, but got up and sat with me.“Do you… do you think we could ever…”I couldn’t finish my sentence.We looked at each other, her eyes staring into mine.I fought against the flush in my cheeks, and got the sudden courage to put my hand on top of hers.Her eyes glanced down for just a second, before she leaned in close to me.And that’s when she kissed me.

It made things different.Of course, most things stayed the same.We still hung out all the time like before.But now, when no one else is around, we say “I love you.”It’s like a secret.A secret we’ll never share with anyone else.You could say we were dating, but it felt different somehow.Lonnie wasn’t just my girlfriend; she was something else entirely.

Of course, all good things must come to an end unfortunately.And that ending started with my parents.I had a talk with them one night, after getting home from a field trip.Lonnie and I had snuck off and gotten in trouble for not staying with the group.

“You didn’t get in trouble _before_ you met that Lonnie girl,” Mom had said, sitting in across from me at the kitchen table.Dad nodded in agreement, but said nothing.

“Sorry, mom.It was just a silly mistake.It won’t happen again.”I tried to sound as apologetic as possible, which was the exact opposite of how I truly felt about it.

We argued for what felt like forever.They told me how much they dislike Lonnie, as they’ve said before.They mentioned the magazines and pictures they found in my room.They got the locker in my room open.

“Is there something we should know about Lonnie?”Mom crossed her arms in her I-mean-business way, and I knew I’d lost.

I could only hang my head in defeat.They knew about us and there was nothing I could do to deny it.So I told them.I was prepared for anger, disappointment, crying, anything but the utter _denial_ they showed.It felt worse than I expected it to.

“Sam, you’re too young to know what you want,” My mother explained to me.Dad chimed in with a comment how me and Lonnie are “just good friends.”

I couldn’t do anything.I sat there and did nothing.

“That’s right,” Mom said, in response to Dad’s comment.“You just haven’t met the right boy yet.This is only a phase, don’t worry.”

“It’s not,” I said quietly.“I’ve always been this way.”My voice was tiny, squeaking out words that they didn’t bother to listen to.

Of all the ways I’d thought about coming out to them, this was the worst one.And it happened.I almost wish they’d just been angry with me and kicked me out.It would’ve hurt so much less.

I wanted to call Lonnie that night, but I was forbidden from having contact with her.As if I’d listen to them about that.I didn’t call her that night, but I wasn’t going to stop seeing her at school.I wasn’t their obedient little girl anymore.I was my own person now.I had Lonnie, and I wasn’t going to give her up for the sake of my parents’ backwards ideas.For the first time in my life, I felt like I belonged.And I belonged with Lonnie, whether my parents liked it or not.

 

 

**IV**

Todd’s band lost their singer.I didn’t know his name, but Lonnie says that he probably got sick of Todd’s shit and just left.Todd wouldn’t stop whining about how he lost the singer, and I could tell Lonnie was getting annoyed, as the others and I were as well.

“I can sing,” she interrupted.“I’ll sing for you guys.”

I wasn’t sure if she actually wanted to, or if she just wanted to say something to get Todd to be quiet.Regardless, his face brightened after Lonnie spoke, and he grinned.

“You can sing?”he asked, surprise evident in his tone.

“I mean, probably.”Lonnie laughed, and I laughed along with her.I brushed my fingers against hers softly, and she did the same.None of the others seemed to notice, and if they did, they didn’t care.

The band rehearsed every day for like a week straight.Lucky for me, my parents believed my lie that I was helping a teacher after school on Friday.I followed Lonnie to the garage they practiced in, every day, and watched them play.She was actually… so amazing.Her voice was incredible, I was in total awe at how good they all sounded after just a week of practice with Lonnie.

I felt proud.I wanted to watch her perform forever.When it was over, I told her over and over again how much I loved her voice, and how much I loved _her._

In the back of my mind, I knew that it was just a temporary situation; that Lonnie wouldn’t be able to be their singer forever.She was supposed to ship out to the army in June.But until then, I decided I was going to every single show.

When the time came for her last show, I got lucky.Mom and Dad were out on some business trip together, for the whole weekend.I thought it was odd they went together, but didn’t think too much of it.Lonnie’s show was the only thing that I felt was important.

At the concert, I tried to focus on Lonnie and her beautiful voice, instead of the impending end of it all.She was so amazing on stage, as she always was.Her voice rang through the large crowd, and I could feel the excited atmosphere through the whole audience.

The second-to-last song, I started feeling upset.We only had about 48 hours left.I had no idea what would come after those 48 hours.I couldn’t live without her, I loved her too much.And then she did something that made me feel even worse.She dedicated the last song to me.Everybody turned and looked at me, most of them intoxicated, grinning and cheering at me.I couldn’t take it.

When everyone’s focus was back on Lonnie, I ran out of the crowd.I didn’t stop until I reached an alley, tears streaming down my cheeks.My vision was blurry, and I sat on the curb, right next to the alley entrance, sobbing until my ribs hurt.This was going to be it.Lonnie was leaving.She was leaving me here, and going off into the army, where she’d have to hide her identity.Where she’d have to hide _us._ I would follow her anywhere, even the army, if it were possible.But it wasn’t possible.

I could hear the music even from where I was, softly and in the distance.I waited, and waited.The song ended, and the sounds of the cheering audience died down.I watched people walk by me, too high, drunk, or just exhausted to even notice me.

After a long time, Lonnie finally found me.She sat down next to me on the cold concrete, and put an arm around me.I bit my lip and couldn’t stop the tears from forming.They fell down my face, dripping onto the pavement and making little spots.We sat in silence for a while, the only sounds being my muffled hiccups and sobs.

“I’m sorry,” Lonnie said quietly.“I wish things were different.I just wanted to make you happy.”

I didn’t respond at first.I spoke only after I’d thought my words through.

“I don’t think you can anymore, Lonnie.”

We’d agreed that our very last night together, possibly for forever, should be our happiest one.I wanted to see it through.

“Let’s just…” I trailed off.“Let’s just try to make this night a good one.”

“What should we do?”She stood up, pulling me with her.

We ended up going back to my house.Running straight up to the attic, we wanted to have as much as possible to spend together.The photos we’d taken together were all in the album we’d picked out together.I flipped through the pages while Lonnie looked over my shoulder, resting her head on me.

“Which one do you want to take with you?” I asked, pausing my page-turning.

“The one where you look the cutest.”

I snorted, but smiled.“Shut up,” I said, both of us laughing softly.“Do you want this one?” I pointed to the photo we’d taken in front of 7-11.It was where we’d first met, all those months ago.Despite it only being that long, it felt like forever ago.

“My hair was still red back then.I’d almost forgotten what I looked like with it.”

I’d never forget, no matter how much time passed.I took the photo out of the album and handed it to her.She put it in her jeans pocket.Turning to face her, I couldn’t stop the tears pricking at my eyes.Lonnie couldn’t stop hers either.

We held each other and cried.She said she knew it was hard, but life would move on.I said I didn’t want my life to keep moving without her.I couldn’t imagine a life without Lonnie.I needed her, and I knew she needed me.

In each others arms, we were safe.We were together, spending the last hours we’d ever have as a couple, in my tiny attic.I must have fallen asleep like that, cradled in Lonnie’s arms, because the next think I knew, I was waking up.Alone.

I tried to pass time.I tried, really hard.Video games, drawing, writing, cooking.Nothing felt right.The house felt more lonely than it’d ever felt.

The attic called to me and so I went up the narrow stairs Lonnie and I had climbed so many times together.It almost felt like Lonnie could still be there.As if she were only downstairs, and I was just waiting to hear her pull down the hatch and come rustling up.

As I sat in the spot where Lonnie and I had sat many times before, I heard nothing but my heartbeat.The sunlight shone through a small window, but it didn’t feel bright.It didn’t feel warm.Lonnie was bright.Lonnie was warm.Lonnie was gone.

I took a nap and dreamt of red hair and kissing.

 

 

**V**

A day later, I felt worse.The realization of Lonnie being gone, being _actually gone,_ was staring to set in.I’d never felt worse in my life.I didn’t get out of bed until 3 pm, when my stomach growled loud enough to rival one of Lonnie’s video-game-victory cheers.

When I went downstairs, I noticed the kitchen phone blinking a red color.I furrowed my brows, wondering who would’ve called on a Saturday morning.As I was about to press the voicemail button, the famous song from _Carmen_ started playing, signaling a phone call.The second I pressed the answer button, I heard a familiar voice say my name loudly.My heart almost stopped.

“Lonnie?”I asked incredulously.

“Sam!Oh my god, Sam, you finally picked up.”Her voice crackled on the other line, from the usual phone call interference.

“What?How are you-“I was cut off by Lonnie’s frantic talking.

“I’m at a payphone.I couldn’t… I couldn’t go through with the army thing.”

The image of Lonnie, hair cut short and under her uniform cap, popped into my mind.What was she doing?The army was all she'd ever wanted to do, since she was like twelve years old.She wouldn’t just _quit,_ would she?

“I was on the bus,” Lonnie continued.“The one that you get on when you’re going to join the army.We were headed to basic training, and well, you know all that so I’ll skip it.I had the photograph in my hand the whole time and I kept looking at it.I just couldn’t stop thinking of you.”

That sentence alone made my heart skip a beat, and the corners of my mouth turned up a bit.Her voice was beautiful.I’d missed it, even if it had been only a day since I’d heard it last.I wanted to hear her say words like those, forever.

“Lonnie…”

“I don’t want to be away from you.I got off the bus at Salem and found this payphone.Sam, I want you to pack up everything you can, get in your car, and come fine me.”

“And then what?”

“Let’s just _drive_.Until we find somewhere.Somewhere for _us._ Can you… can you do that for me?”

“Yes… Yes, Lonnie, I can do that!”I couldn’t believe what was happening.I must’ve still been dreaming.On my way up to my room, I pinched myself multiple times, even punched myself in the gut, to try and wake myself up from whatever dream I was in.Nothing worked.It was real.

I grabbed my travel suitcase and threw some clothes inside.I packed my notebooks, my favorite necklace, some shoes, and other assorted clothing.My eyes gazed around the room for anything else essential, and paused on the Super Nintendo.Would there be a TV where we were going?I didn’t know, but I didn’t care.I packed it anyways.

From the attic, I grabbed the photo album, the red lights we’d strung from the ceiling, and the small pillow we’d somehow been able to share some nights.

_‘But I just couldn’t stop thinking of you.’_ Lonnie’s words echoed in my mind, putting me in a half-awake daze as I packed everything tighter in the suitcase.

I locked the house door behind me, tears in my eyes and a smile on my face.I had no idea where we would end up.But Lonnie and I were going to be together again.We were going to be happy.

**Author's Note:**

> would you believe i submitted this as my english final and got an A on it :')


End file.
